A self-help book unlike any other: no jargon, no touchy-feely fluff, this science-backed, smart and entertaining read will get you to stop saying you’re fine, and start feeling absolutely great.
STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE
Discover a More Powerful You
By Mel Robbins
These last two years have kicked everyone’s butt. No matter who you are or where you live, some area of your life has been put through the ringer. Over 100 million Americans secretly feel frustrated and bored with their lives because we’re working harder than ever, growing fatter every year and getting less sleep. It’s time to fight back; but when you can barely survive your day, how can you possibly change your life?
In STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE: Discover a More Powerful You (Crown Archetype; May 10, 2011), Mel Robbins arms readers with the tools they need to fight back against the pressures of modern life. Readers learn to outsmart their own brain, sustain momentum even when obstacles arise, and get on the road to the life they really want. She begins by diagnosing a problem that seems to afflict everyone, no matter what his or her station in life: that gut-level feeling of being “stuck.”
Feeling stuck can be overwhelming; it’s the gnawing sense that your life—while not terrible—really isn’t that amazing either. It’s the creeping awareness that the gap between the life you lead and the life you wish you led is big and growing every day. STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE is not about dealing with a crisis like discovering a spouse’s affair or getting fired. It tackles something more widespread, more mundane and dangerous than that, and it’s something most of us relate strongly to—the way the commute-work-commute-sleep routine can start to feel like it never ends, the way that a spouse can start to feel like a roommate, the way staying in shape can feel like a losing battle no matter what you do. At some point, each and every one of us will feel that deep sense that there’s something greater in store for our lives—Mel Robbins shows us how to reach it.
As Mel explains it, there are a lot of solid psychological and scientific reasons why we get stuck. Our brains are hardwired to overestimate risk, which was helpful about 40,000 years ago when walking to the watering hole might mean death by tiger attack, but in modern life having a brain that makes you think “speaking up for yourself” at work or at home is too risky—that’s a huge problem. On top of that, modern society throws too many choices at us and we can’t keep up—we’ve invented a thousand escape mechanisms to keep us from having to face reality. We do what Mel calls “hitting the snooze button.” Every time we awake to our own dissatisfaction, we do everything we can to seek a comfortable and easy way out.
But as tempting as staying stuck might be, as a long-term strategy it’s disastrous. Human beings need excitement, creativity and fulfillment in their lives as much as they need water and air. A life spent being stuck will be a life full of unhappiness, unfulfilled desires and regret.
There’s a solution. In STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE, Mel explains that the barriers keeping us from getting unstuck often aren’t tangible; rather, they’re illusions our brains have concocted because our anatomy hasn’t yet caught up to modern life. The truth is, people today can do whatever they want. Whether you want to lose weight, start a business, find love or pursue a long-buried passion, the resources are there to accomplish your dreams. If you can push through your brain’s resistance to change, you’ll find that achieving your dreams isn’t half as difficult as you imagine. The key is outsmarting your own brain’s inclinations to keep you stuck, and Mel offers tools for doing exactly that. Her 5-step method for putting your life back on track and beating your brain goes like this:
Step One: Face up to the fact that “fine” is not enough, and that however much you insist things are “okay”, the truth is you want more. In fact, you are designed to want more. Mel offers mental exercises to help break down your resistance to admitting dissatisfaction.
Step Two: Discover and admit what you actually do want. Mel teaches readers how to be embarrassingly selfish about their true desires.
Step Three: Go public; take your personal quest out of your head and into the real world.
Step Four: Create a map; Mel walks readers through this creation process to help guide them from where they are to where they want to be. For readers who know what they want but don’t know what steps to take—this is a life-saver.
Step Five: Start “leaning in;” Mel explains how gaining momentum and control is about getting started. Most people are stuck because they never start. “Leaning in” teaches even the shyest readers how to out smart their own bad habits and start taking action.
In STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE, Mel also outlines how to sustain life-changing momentum. The key lies in using tools to shatter the four mental walls we erect, feeling: discouraged, rejected, overwhelmed and unmotivated. In each case, Mel offers readers a set of detailed tools to break down those mental walls. Finally, she lays out her 7-day stamina workout designed to help readers embrace change and move towards genuine satisfaction. It’s an essential tool for getting your brain in shape; it’s a primer for teaching yourself to become an expert at taking action:
Day One: Don’t hit the snooze button, just get up. It’s harder than you think.
Day Two: Repeat Day One; brain dump in your journal for 5-minutes.
Day Three: Repeat Day One & Two; and power walk or do any kind of exercise for 20-minutes, before you eat!
Day Four: Repeat Days One through Three; and break your routine (e.g. drive a new way to work or stop at different café for coffee—order something nuts for lunch).
Day Five: Repeat Days One through Four: and make eye contact with five strangers. Stare at them until they look back at you. Then smile and hold your gaze for a count of four.
Day Six: Repeat Days One through Five; and “go public.” Meet or speak with at least two people about your big idea for change in your life.
Day Seven: Repeat Days One through Six; and connect. Make a dinner date with someone. When you sit down to eat, don’t talk about yourself—make it a point to listen and be actively interested in their life.
STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE moves beyond the monotony and easy fixes offered in many self-help books. Mel’s direct, no nonsense voice—sassy and down to earth, offering just the right mixture of “telling it like it is” and supportiveness—combined with her friendly demeanor is the perfect formula for getting anyone off the couch and on the road to the life they really want.
MEL ROBBINS gives advice to men and women across America on her daily syndicated radio show “The Mel Robbins Show.” A Dartmouth-educated lawyer-turned-life coach, she’s the star of a new show coming to A&E this summer, a columnist for Success Magazine, blogger, relationship expert and working mom. Mel has appeared on Good Morning America, CNBC, Fox Business, and The Today Show among others. She currently lives with her family in Sherborn, Massachusetts.
STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE by Mel Robbins
On-sale: May 10, 2011; Hardcover; 288 pages ISBN: 978-0-307-71672-9; Price: $24.00
Also available as an eBook
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